Have you ever heard the saying “Your vibe attracts your tribe”? It might surprise you to know that there is truth to this and we see evidence of it through science, childhood environment, emotional regulation, and the very development of the central nervous system. So let’s have a closer look at this saying – and how we can actually harness that knowledge for our own journey.
THE ROLE OUR CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM PLAYS IN FINDING COMMUNITY
Our central nervous system is responsible for a whole variety of things including our stress response, regulation, gut health, and mental health. It is during our childhood that our central nervous system is learning patterns from the environment around us and it will tend to continue to mimic these patterns right into adulthood. If you have a stable childhood, then your central nervous system will learn (and crave) those familiar patterns of stability and calm. But, if childhood was chaotic, unpredictable, or unstable then your central nervous system instead learns the ups and downs associated with things like dopamine highs, adrenaline highs, and serotonin lows.
These are the patterns that your central nervous system craves and will deliberately seek out right into adulthood. So much so, that your brain doesn’t quite know what to do with stability or calmness. Subconsciously, you will find yourself veering towards chaotic environments and people who are emotionally unpredictable. This is the pull that we see when we say ‘your vibe attracts your tribe’. We are seeing the effects of your childhood environment teaching your central nervous system what ‘normal’ looks like and what to seek out. It will continue to attract chaotic people unless you choose to consciously heal it!
OVERCOMING THE CRAVING FOR CHAOS
Changing these learned patterns can be tricky to start with. While your system is dysregulated it will feel strange around someone who is safe and calm and predictable. Maybe you feel like you could do better or in the reverse, you might worry that they will leave you. Sometimes the brain reaction is that it is too good to be true and you might be want to push people away or jeopardise relationships because this just doesn’t ‘feel right’ for your brain. Please know that it takes time to heal the Central Nervous system and get ‘used’ to calmness. This is why the therapeutic relationship you have with a mental health professional is so therapeutic. By its very nature, it is a stable relationship that offers a stable place to heal from. They will always feel calm for you even if you are chaotic or angry or unreliable. They will always be there for you. They are there to be stable and help you heal your Central Nervous System.
REGULATING OUR CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM
So how can we redesign our lives so that the central nervous system can heal and learn to seek out calm rather than chaos?
Start by changing your tribe. Think about your friends, family and online spaces. Do these people crave calmness? There are some people who just crave drama! They tend to be fun to be around – but ultimately, they are just so much drama! In order for you to heal your central nervous system, you need to start with a stable base. You may find this with friends, family or with a therapist. Or, you might find that you need to actively look for spaces where calm exists like a yoga class or even in online spaces like our very own membership. Essentially you are looking for places where people are working on themselves and seeking to be calm and grounded.
I know this can seem scary, but rewiring your central nervous system is so vital if you want to have a life that you love and is predictable and healing. So go find those people. Pay attention to your responses and notice when you start to have those chaotic Central Nervous System reactions like the flight or fight response. Look for those thoughts that tell you to ‘get out of here’. Or when you feel like the friendships or relationships must be too good to be true and you want to end them before they hurt you. You may find your thoughts are more along the lines of feeling bored or craving something more exciting. Notice when those feelings come up. That could be a sign that your system is healing because you don’t know how to be in a stable, calm, and predictable relationship how to realign and stay on track.
WAYS TO SUPPORT OURSELVES THROUGH HEALING
Start with tuning into your own patterns, thoughts, and inner self. Some free tools to support this process are to practice mindfulness, gratitude, and medication. These practices help to rewire your brain for calmness and positivity. And, they will give you a hit of dopamine from those calm sources too. Cold showers are brilliant if you are brave enough for them. They have been shown to be very helpful in regulating and rewiring our responses.
Science shows us that we were designed to sing and dance and celebrate. This is another way you can help health, rewire the central nervous system and regulate. Give yourself permission to just move without thinking about it. It is in these moments that we allow movement that feels good and instinctive that we find the most healing. There is so much power to be found in music and the way that it activates different parts of the brain regardless of whether you are singing or just humming along. Music and movement are probably some of my favorite ways to support regulation.
Another wonderful way to calm your system is to spend time in nature. Not only is it free., but science has shown that there are chemicals in nature that calm our nervous system. Go get some sunshine. Eat good food. Make sure you are getting enough of the minerals like magnesium. It is absolutely essential for your healing. When magnesium is out of whack your Central Nervous System doesn’t have enough chemicals to calm you down. So seeing a naturopath can help you heal too.
THE BLESSING OF ‘YOUR VIBE ATTRACTS YOUR TRIBE’
When we grow up in chaos or unpredictability our bodies and brain through Central Nervous System want to mimic that as an adult. ‘Your vibe attracts your tribe’ is your central nervous system’s need for chaos and unpredictability in people and places. Unless we work to heal! Surround ourselves with calm people. And start to recognise the flight or fright responses that you are currently programmed with.
When thoughts try to push you away from calm reinforce to yourself “I am not going to give in to those thoughts or feelings.” Access the free tools like nature, meditation, mindfulness, gratitude, dancing, and singing. See a naturopath if you can and seek out one-on-one sessions with a counselor, psychologist, orsocial worker like myselfto create that secure base of healing. Try out spaces like our membership where you are surrounding yourself with other calm and non-dramatic people where you can learn what calm looks like and know that you are not alone. Every day that you work to regulate you are changing to attract more calm. And, more blessings and community will come as your vibe attracts your tribe in a whole new way.
This isn’t a race; it is a journey and it will take time. But I have 100 percent faith that you can heal. I came from chaos, and I am healing every day. The person that I was 5, 10, 15 years ago is very different from the person that I am today, and I believe that you can do this too. If you need some support know that I am here for you every step of the way! Find my free resources onInstagramor mywebsite– orbook to chat with me one on oneas you build a new, calm and stable base.
