5 Personality Traits That Suggest You Were Raised In A Predominately Negative Home, According To Family Therapists (2024)

Even the most seemingly perfect homes come with negative attributes, as from our earliest age we are shown what is good and bad, right and wrong, and conditioned to quickly judge and conclude.

The truth is we only know negative because we have seen and experienced positive and only know positive because we have also experienced negative. One does not exist without the other.

Here are 5 personality traits that suggest you were raised in a predominately negative home, according to family therapists:

1. You distrust the world

Chances are that if you were raised in a negative environment, you will see the world through a dark lens yourself. A 2011 study helps us see how this can manifest as trust issues, suspicions or paranoia about others potentially harming you, and even feelings of hopelessness and despair about the meaning of life.

— Dr. Gloria Brame, therapist

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2. You focus on the lack

The sign you were raised in a predominately negative home is a home that focuses on all the things we don't have, every which way to make a person or people wrong, and where parents and siblings are quick to call or give others demeaning names, like lazy, irresponsible, liar, and lazy.

We know deep inside we are capable and caring good person, but our homes are not where we go to get that feedback. When these signs are blatantly present, friends, teachers, mentors, and advisors are important to receive the positive reflections all of us benefit from.

— Larry Michel, AKA The Love Shepherd, Founder: Institute of Genetic Energetics

3. You question every little thing and bring a traumatic past to the surface on an unhealthily regular basis

When yelling, fighting, slamming doors, and puddles of tears are your normal, that's what you expect from life. Those behaviors create a picture in your mind that can never be erased. You start to think you deserve those things, so you put up with it in all your future relationships.

— Alex Alexander, Author

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4. You disassociate from what was happening

Because of my mother’s neglect and my father’s alcoholism, I learned to disassociate from what was happening around me. I compartmentalized my feelings and experiences and disengaged emotionally. This served me well when I married a man at twenty-five.

This coping mechanism also meant I couldn’t engage in relationships meaningfully, as supported by 2004 research. I could play the part, but I was emotionally aloof, and because there was never a guarantee that I would be loved, I always held my true self back.

I was plagued by the idea that I had to earn love by being the ideal friend, model wife, or perfect mother. That type of mindset is exhausting, and it took me until I was fifty to break free.

— Kim Kelly Stamp, Author

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5. You don't feel loved by anyone

The experience of growing up with unloving parents can leave you feeling unworthy or guilty, especially if you do believe your parents loved you and did their absolute best. Yet, here you are, still not feeling loved. How can you ever understand how to love yourself?

I honestly don’t doubt that my parents loved me when I grew up. They did it in their unique way, the way it was expected and done in those days, but I never really felt loved.

I was a restless child and easily got angry and frustrated, even though I didn’t have a clue why. Nobody else seemed to understand or even care why I was that way.

We were always told to be quiet and do as we were told, so early on, I learned to contain myself in a way that caused a lot of restlessness. I had a lot of energy, and consequently had a lot to contain, and was often told that I was bad. I think this describes a pretty common childhood for many of us who grew up at that time.

Yes, I was loved, but I didn’t feel it. Emotionally and spiritually, I was starved and malnourished.

— Pernilla Lillarose, Spiritual Coach

A Cognitive Therapy and Research study agrees that we need to consider changing negative thought patterns to improve mental health. However, growing up in. a predominantly negative home preconditions the brain for negativity, and finding or appreciating the good in life can be challenging.

However, the awareness of the long-term effects of growing up under an umbrella of negativity can help you develop a more positive outlook on life

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Will Curtis is a writer and editor for YourTango. He's been featured on the Good Men Project and taught English abroad for ten years.